While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
