I didn't shave. On purpose
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
