my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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