Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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