Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
tell me about the eggs
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
