I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
