I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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