she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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