I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
