Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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