i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
