I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This is my gift to your gina
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
