this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am naked and annoyed.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
