My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
