she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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