shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
