girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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