My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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