I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
