I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
