Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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