The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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