I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
