so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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