so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
