why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
