Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
