my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
