Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you would pick up someone in the library
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
