I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
