Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
