Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
