I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
