You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
