let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
