It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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