I'm really into asian looking animals
I've blown a few things in my day
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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