we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
