I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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