im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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