I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
