This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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