Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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