It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
