You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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