He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
