My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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