A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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