Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
