So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
