he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
