That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
