So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
