theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
